The Secret Origin of Watch-Chick

Those who know me know that my girlfriend broke up with me a couple of days before xmas. I had bought her a handful of small, personal gifts, most of which have already been returned to the stores. There were a few, however, that were not returnable.

The most significant of those was the watch. She didn’t wear a watch. She had told me once that she used to have a beloved Casio watch with a bendy metal band; the kind that’s elastic-y and catches your arm hairs in it. She had also mentioned once or twice that she’d like to have a calculator watch to bring out her inner-nerd.

So, I found a Casio calculator watch online and bought it for her. The description said it had a stainless steel band; I took a gamble. It was not the right kind of band. So I had it re-banded with a bendy-band, but did not keep the original.

Now, this isn’t a super-expensive gift. Casio evidently makes some really nice calculator watches, but this is just a simple one. So I can’t return the watch because I don’t have the original band; plus it hardly seems worth packing and shipping it, considering what I paid. And I can’t imagine I can return the band to the hole-in-the-wall watch and shoe repair place.

So I can’t return it, I’m never going to reconcile with the ex, I don’t want to re-gift it because seeing it on another friend’s wrist would just make me sad. I’d considered some kind of symbolic act, but you can’t really burn a stainless steel watch. A friend had just mentioned craigslist to me so I decided to give it away there.

Here’s my ad:

For free, one Casio calculator watch.

I got this for my girlfriend for xmas as kind of a sentimental, inside thing. But she broke up with me just before xmas, so now I have nothing to do with it. Come get it for free or I’ll just throw it in the east river.

It’s a new Casio calculator watch. It’s got a stainless steel body and I had one of those flexy metal bands put on it. It’s still in the box, though I don’t have the original band.

You’ll have to come get the thing; I live on the upper east and work near Grand Central so I could arrange to meet in either location.



I posted this ad mid-afternoon. Within fifteen minutes I had seven replies. In the first hour I had twenty. They slowed down but continued to trickle in all day. This kind of weirded me out.

My original plan was to give it to the first person who responded with a convenient way of picking it up. Most of the replies were one-liners along the lines of “you still have watch?”

One jumped out at me. This is what it said:
hi there,

i think your story is sad, but the calc watch sounds like the greatest gift...IN EVER. i think i could appreciate it far more than an abysmal river, in which it will go forever unnoticed, unremarked. an untimely and wretched fate for a new watch, dontcha think? oh please, oh please, gift me the watch. i am a huge geek and it's just perfect. i live on UES, too, 81st & 1st, and work in gramercy. i think it would be quite convenient to arrange a location. in return, i have a piece of fruit to give you. i moved to nyc recently, and am sort of broke (cost of moving!). otherwise, i'd just go out and buy that watch. i wish i had thought of getting that type of watch.

anyway, have a great day. even if you give it to someone else.

best,
Name Withheld


I figured that this was the winner. After all, I also thought it was the best gift in ever. So I replied:


I have recieved a surprisingly large number of responses, though yours is the first to cheer me up at all. I feel I should mention that it is not one the more expensive, fancier models. If you still want it, though, it's yours.

We can arrange to meet somewhere on the upper east side tonight if this works for you.



She promptly replied:


Adam,

Thank you! I don't care at all if it's fancy. It's just perfect. Why don't you set the time & place tonight. I leave work around 7pm, and just take the 6 straight up.

I hope you like seckel pears because I pilfered one from someone in my office for you. Now, it has a very distinct scent, so it may have danced around a few noses this morning. I'd wash it before I'd put it in my mouth. In fact, I'll give it a pre-wash. I've already eaten 2 today.
Yay,

Name Withheld

p.s. in case you get really sad over everything, just remember: Hugs not drugs. and if that doesn't work, then watch the attached clip.



The attached clip was Brian from Family Guy doing the “Peanut Butter Jelly Time” dance in a banana suit. You either understand that last sentence or you don’t; there’s nothing I can do to help you.

So I emailed and arranged to meet her at the Falafel Shack at 8pm. She showed up at 8:15. I couldn’t blame her for being late; she didn’t have a watch. She seemed very excited about the watch, somewhat less so about the band. I can’t say I’m too surprised; it was only special for someone else.

Anyway, we hung around and chatted for a couple of hours. I have a new friend now, which is cool. I think a new friend is very good medicine for a broken heart.

In the half-day that my ad was posted, I got 47 responses. Most were one liners, one was a little creepy, but a bunch of people actually offered me kind of sweet condolences on the breakup. It was kind of touching.

Since I couldn’t reply to all of them personally, however, I posted a new ad stating that the watch was gone, but thanks to everyone who sent me kind words. I got one response from someone offering me a sexual act. Oh well.