Night of the Rat

I was walking in the direction of home this Saturday night when I had my unusual rat encounter. It wasn’t particularly late and I hadn’t been drinking, but I was feeling a sense of outrage against propriety that I won’t bother to get into right now. I only mention this because it might help you understand my actions.

As I approached a small grocery bag on the sidewalk, I saw that a medium sized rat was rooting through it. The rat didn’t run and hide as I approached. In fact he took no notice of me at all. Already feeling somewhat outraged for reasons I won’t get into, I took umbrage with this rat’s complete disregard of the natural order. I figured it wouldn’t take much to remind this rat of his place in nature’s hierarchy. So I nudged the bag with my shoe.

What should have happened is that the rat, realizing that he was being challenged by a much larger mammal, should have scurried off to the nearest shelter where he would count his ratly blessings. What he did instead was to charge at me.

Some have suggested that the rat might have had the rabies which caused his aggressive and potentially suicidal behavior. I don’t think that was it. What I believe is that NYC rats have become so accustomed to humans being afraid of them that they have begun to assume a higher place on the food chain. Much like myself, I think this rat’s sense of propriety was outraged and he felt he needed to teach me a lesson.

At this point I could puff out my chest and speak of my martial arts training. But the rodent took me off guard and sent me into a little backward hopping dance that concluded with a swift kick. The foolishness of my actions were pretty forefront in my mind as I wasn’t wearing boots so my ankles were relatively exposed. Luckily my kick found its target and I sent the vermin rolling tail over whiskers a few feet away.

The rat rebounded and started to come back at me, but this time I was more prepared and set myself up for a more powerful kick. He must have sensed this, and veered off just out of range and hid under a railing.

I suppose I emerged as the victor, but the whole experience had rattled me. If that rat had been a bit faster, a bit more aggressive, he might have bitten me. And who knows if he really did have the rabies. But more importantly, I was a little disturbed at the physical sensation. I’ve kicked a lot of people in my day, but usually they were wearing some sort of padding at the time, and were at least my own size. I’ve certainly never kicked a small animal. It wasn’t like kicking a can or a chunk of snow. You could really feel his little skeletal structure under his fur.

I’m not sure how I felt about the whole exchange. But I suppose if, the next time you see me, I’m wearing combat boots with my pants tucked into them, you’ll know I’ve taken it on as a new hobby.