I have no excuse for this one.

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My mom got me a roasting pan for my birthday. so here's my new thing - I'm going to perfect roasting chickens.

I'm going to buy an appropriate-sized container for brining, and I'm gonna get my roasting down to a science. People will fall to their knees and cry heavenward "Oh sweet, merciful lord, I am not worthy to partake of such divine chicken. My inadequacies are amplified in the face of such chicken as this. Strike me down now, lord, that I may die knowing heaven!"
That's how good my chicken will be.

My chickens will start wars and end them. My chickens will reaffirm faith in humanity for any who partake of them. My chickens will cure hangnails, treat depression, and teach you to play piano. The ocean tides will change when the world stops revolving around the sun and begins revolving around my chickens!

good shit